I was having great sex with ex's pal but I'm worried our fling is fizzling out

DEAR DEIDRE: I WAS having amazing sex with my ex’s best mate but am worried our fling is now fizzling out.

I am 29 and my ex is 30. We were together for five years and have a three-year-old boy.

Our relationship took a turn for the worse when he started hanging out with a bad crowd.

He ended up assaulting someone and the final nail in the coffin was when he got a community sentence. Our relationship ended soon afterwards.

In the background, his best friend, who is 31, has always been there advising and reassuring me.

I’ve always felt there could be something more between us but it wasn’t until my ex started a new relationship that I dared consider his best friend.

So when I bumped into him in a local park at the end of the summer, there was a different feeling between us — it was really exciting.

I suggested he come over to mine for a proper catch-up and he agreed.

When he turned up three days later, I found myself agonising over my outfit and hair.

I couldn’t believe how excited I was to see him — and we ended up kissing.

Even though I then told him I’d love to see him soon, he didn’t show up until more than a week later.

That time he stayed over and we ended up having sex.

I’ve been speaking to him since that night, but he hasn’t been round again — his excuse is he’s busy working.

I would love to be in a proper relationship with him and don’t want to play games. I can’t get him out of my head.

DEIDRE SAYS: Lockdown has been introduced since you wrote, and is an opportune time to take sex off the table.

Tell him he’s too special to you as a friend to bring sex casually into the mix – which, of course, you should not be having with him anyway with the current corona­virus restrictions.

Explain to him you believe the two of you have something special and that you deserve better than to be his booty call.

Your friend may be wary of becoming involved with you because he is mates with your ex.

If he wants to be in a relationship with you, then he has to decide.

Tell him that, until then, you will be friends with no benefits.

With lockdown, you have time to let him decide. But whatever he promises, don’t have sex with him again until he has definitely made up his mind about you – and coronavirus restrictions are relaxed.

Should things not work out with him, my support pack Mend Your Broken Heart will help you to move on.

Get in touch with Deidre today

My team and I are working safely from home but we are here to help you as always.

Send an email to [email protected]

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Follow me on Twitter @deardeidre.

The only way to find out if the child is yours is to have a DNA test.

You would have no automatic rights, but you would have financial obligations to the child.

Cellmark (cellmark.co.uk 0800 036 2522) can advise.

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