My friend-with-benefits keeps his eyes open when we're having sex
DEAR DEIDRE: MY lover keeps his eyes open when we make love, and it’s creeping me out.
I’ve been seeing this guy since last year and I’m really confused about our relationship.
He’s 30 and I’m 26. We met through a local Covid volunteering group, delivering food to vulnerable people.
He’s a kind, thoughtful guy and he’s very protective of me. But he won’t make our relationship official or call me his girlfriend — he says we’re “friends with benefits”.
That was fine at first. Now, it bothers me a little as I think I’m starting to fall in love with him.
We don’t go out on proper dates, even though bars and restaurants are open now.
He stays over at mine a couple of times a week, and he’ll come over late at the weekends after he’s been out with his mates.
Our relationship is very Netflix and chill. We don’t talk that much before we start kissing and making our way to the bedroom.
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The sex is great, apart from one thing — he always keeps his eyes wide open.
I first noticed it when he was kissing me, but he does it during intercourse too. If I open my eyes for a second, he’s staring.
I find it a bit weird and disturbing. It’s like he’s watching me, instead of getting lost in the moment.
I’ve had eight other lovers and kissed lots of men, and nobody has ever done this before.
When I’m kissing or making love, I physically can’t keep my eyes open. I’ve asked my girlfriends and they say it’s normal to close your eyes.
So what does this mean? Should I worry?
I’m too embarrassed to ask him about it, in case it upsets him. And I don’t want to sound needy.
DEIDRE SAYS: Studies show only about 15 to 30 per cent of couples keep their eyes open during sex.
Closing your eyes makes you feel less vulnerable and helps the focus on physical sensations. But some experts believe maintaining eye contact actually intensifies orgasms.
Perhaps your guy finds it a turn-on. There’s definitely nothing to worry about.
More of a problem is your “friends with benefits” arrangement, which is clearly not making you happy any more.
You want him to be your partner. If he doesn’t want the same, then the longer you’re with him, the more you’re likely to get hurt. You’ll also end up feeling used.
You need to pick a moment to talk to him. Tell him you’re developing feelings for him and want to be his girlfriend.
If he can’t commit, then you may decide you’d be better off finding someone new, who will give you what you need.
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